Friday, January 28, 2011

A Killing Dream

Yesterday night, I dreamt of myself at a place, with several people following me, as though I was a triad boss. I killed those who obstructed my way with one strike (either using a knife or a gun, most probably a knife because I don't recall the sound of a gun).

I recalled leaving the place seeing one of my men bleeding and lying dead on the floor. A girl, who was following me, was injured badly. Another man who was following me, helped supporting her all the way to my car.

Including me, a total of 3-4 people were on the car. The injured girl and the man who was supporting her were sitting at the back seat. I, took the driver's seat of my car, a sports car. Police were heard chasing us.

At that moment, I started to panic. I tried closing the door a few times but it would not close tight. Probably because the space between the wall and my door was too little for me to have enough energy to shut the door tight.

Ended up, in a moment of anxiety, fear and frustration, I banged my treasured car door against the wall and slammed it shut. I drove the car away, banging against anything that was blocking my path, it seems like I was not able to drive properly. The first thing I ran into was most probably a road block barrier, which was right in front of me when I first started to drive away.

The police were chasing after me and I had no idea where to hide, I passed a few streets and the next thing I knew, I was at a block, a familiar block which was most probably my block (If I did not remembered wrongly, we were living on the 6th floor). I drove in and spotted policemen asking questions to a passerby from a level below.

I drove backwards a little and waited for him to move, and the next thing I see is a room door opening nearby. I drove into the room without a second thought and parked my car in that room.

After a while, the owner of that room was in sight, by that time I had already alighted from the car. I went to her to signal to her to be quiet about my presence. I was sitting on a roller chair, and she was sitting on a sofa.

At that time I was worried about the injured girl in my car too. The room's owner asked for money and I gave her $50/$100, increasing it to $200 and lastly $500 because she kept asking more from me. When I was giving her $500, I was tempted to give her $1000 at that time instead because I was desperate.

After I managed to get her to keep quiet, I went to look at the injured girl inside my car from afar, as well as checking the damage I caused to my car's door, which was a dent and small crack in the glass window.

The dream got interrupted at this point.

Killing someone in a dream means that you're currently experiencing a large flow of negative feelings, and you need somewhere to vent your anger. So I roughly guessed what happened. It's better that this happened in a dream before things take for a worst turn in real life.

And I suddenly remembered right before this dream I was still dreaming of myself at a school hall with some people I knew back in secondary school, trying to do some warm up exercise, including a head stand by leaning against a wall and I could hear music playing from those big portable CD player. I remembered hearing a familiar Cantonese song, 戏中有气.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

First Post of 2011

I must admit I'm still stuck in 2010. There have been many times when I nearly filled in the date as 2010 instead of 2011. Well, I guess that happens to us every new year doesn't it? We need some time to adapt to the new change.

For the past few months,

I've been trying to change,

Change to a happier person,

Because I was influenced by a person,

A person whom I never met in real life before,

But her positive outlook in life really makes me ponder what am I doing with mine?

Of course that doesn't happen with a snap of fingers, or making it as my new year resolution. I am still me, still the old me. Every little bad thing that happens push me back to my depressed state.

Just like what happened when I was trying to recruit member for my final year project and failed. Just like what happened when I went to my internship interview, all dressed up and prepared but received a letter of notification for rejecting my application.

But there's still a face, a voice that stays in my heart, telling me that there's still someone out there who's trying her best too. I've really no idea how to describe it. A happy person influences others to be happy too. She's a happy person who doesn't get dishearten for not winning awards, who doesn't get proud for winning one, who gets happy that people are acknowledging her talent and effort.




Thank You, Ella Koon.

Although you have no idea who I am, I'm glad to have met you.

I know you are a good person, someday, others will be able to see the same Ella that I see. The happy girl who's not only pretty, but has a beautiful heart too. You're the first artiste whom I had seen placing "happy" and "hard work" at 1st position. Because many a times, we are often too obstinate regarding certain matters, at the end of the day, we forgot the very reason why we fought for it.