Monday, May 9, 2011

Need to sort out my thinking before I can calm down

Today has been a bad day, I've nothing left to say.

It's nothing related to Jolin. Definitely not related to her. Because she is the one who make me believe the world isn't as bad as it seems.

Although I've been camping and chasing and dancing for her for the past 4 days, it's not as tiring as the questions that are floating about in my head now. Though I'm tired because of Jolin, I'm really happy too. Happy to the extent that I'm fine being called a fool by everyone.

I want to be that Happy Fool again, so I want to sort my feelings straight. So I can bring a smiling face to her when I see her later, and a barrier to block off anything that I don't wish to see and hear. I want her to know she brought me much appreciated smiles for the past 4 days.

Okay, now on to the serious discussion with "Myself". It always work this way.

I was almost about to do a serious discussion spamming process at my micro-blog and I realised that it will have way too many ridiculous amount of posts, considering the word limit.

Oh yah come to think of it, my blog is not private so I'd probably get ticked off if someone read what I said here because I released confidential information (which is not even in full detail...). But who cares. Who the hell from there will read my long chunk of words, the only person who knows me who might read is my best bud so lalala...

1. Money is the root of all evil.

Does paying more or paying less make a difference when all is gone when you kick the bucket? I'm trying to get rid of my calculative behaviour and then a respected figure told me to be calculative.

Paying $10 more wouldn't make me miserable if it can salvage my soul for sinking deep into the depths of what they call "the real world". You don't change to suit the "society". I would keep trying to stay as my untainted form even if it means I have frequent frustrations.

Staying oblivious is what I do best after all, got that trait when I saw Jolin for the first time.

2. Only expect not to be lied at when you can trust the whole world.

This might probably be the best joke I heard in years. They were discussing about artistes being not as angel-like as we think they are in real life. And then they were using white lies as an excuse to lie to their parents.

In any way, if you really treat them as one of the people you love in the world, you should avoid lying to them at all times. Because they'll be more hurt if they know the truth. Unless the purpose of your white lies is to protect yourself, not them. SELFISH.

If you even lie to your parents, in what position are you to expect your idol to not lie to you?

They're human beings after all. If there's a personality in them that they don't wish to share with the world then be that way. As long as they don't do something morally wrong and give us occasional replies (with body language is fine too) when we call out to them.

(Maybe because I'm with a different group of people these few days, being out of comfort zone and away from my friends. Come to think of it, other than their noise, they are pretty awesome because they usually only care about games and pirating, other stuffs don't affect them in any ways)

I can't think of any other headlines so just going to continue from this...

I understand the need to have certain information confidential. But I don't understand why a casual comment from me can result in a "shut up" from you. I don't like people saying that to me, especially someone who barely knows me.

Kindly just explain to me wouldn't kill you, it's just tapping a few keys on the keyboard, because I don't understand, I haven't live till your age yet. Besides I've seen your friends happily commenting on another friend's status talking about the timing and venue and what happened to the "shut up" there?

And another person. First having no idea whether her idol has a boyfriend is a good or bad thing. So I made a comment. And tio shoot. Thanks ah. All I said is I'm afraid she will get hurt, get sad, and not getting the love and concern she needs; after all she's a perfectionist.

What genius reply I got? I'm underestimating her IQ? Goddamyou don't put words into my mouth. And this has nothing to do with IQ. If you really can tell how a person is that easily, there wouldn't be so many broken hearts in the world. I don't even know how I'm like.

This real world... Doesn't suit me. Maybe that's why I choose to hide in my virtual world. Maybe that's why we all hide behind computers and be keyboard warriors. What do you gain at the end for trying to fit in the world - A NONSENSICAL WORLD.

I want to be my Happy Fool again. Even if I get lied at a 100 times, I'll still believe what is said is the truth. For the very reason that I feel appreciated because I sillily waited for the whole day and there's a positive comment. She came out from her practice session, definitely tired and everything, and when I dashed pass the road to take a final look at her before I go off, I saw her head looking back. And soon later, I saw a thank-you message on her micro-blog.

Happy Fool is tired. Happy Fool wants to go to sleep. FIGHTING!

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