Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Worst Forum Ever

Perfect title.

Now let me start my post. Thou shall not speak its name, thou shall speak its link:

I have my fair share of cyber bulling at there, from name calling to individuals who think they are above a level to being an experimental subject? Doing an experiment by hurling abuses at a member is the most fascinating way to debate I have ever seen in a mature section. Do you have a teacher fetish?

Individuals from that forum have a flair of acting self-righteous after playing with their so-called target.

It started out a fine day. A supporter decide to support the recent saga created by a famous Singapore blogger.

Yada yada yada. She talks about her point. Usual. And she added "I didn't bother to read through the stuff.." Wonder. You don't know about the other side of the story and you want to engage in a debate.

So I told her.

"Read through our posts and you'll get two sides of the story. Neither one of us is right when we can't empathise with the other party. "

See I made an effort to make it rhyme and she didn't register that in her brain. She looked instead at the last paragraph in my reply where I made a bad attempt to empathise with the opposite while I harbour intentions to prove that I am right if I succeeded with the empathy.

With my last paragraph, she decided I'm a perfect test subject and brought me in to her experimental stages without my consent. Can I sue her?

Her reply

My reply

Her reply again

My reply back

And her final conclusion essay

Bitch please. Don't add a smiley face at the end of your post. It doesn't justify your actions to "tease" me. I am neither your friend nor your old friend. It's amusing how attackers try to bring you into the "friend" level and make others perceived I have learnt a lesson from thy sister.

One, you're in no way fit to educate me if you can't see both sides of the story.

Two, stop fangirling. It's disgusting.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

My Methods To Reduce OCD Symptoms

I don't have a lasting memory of moments. Just a few moments ago I have some thoughts in mind but what I am typing now might be a little different from it.

Things in life that are giving you a hell lot of problems are barely even a problem to others. No matter how many times you try to explain, others don't get it because they are not in your shoes, they don't get you trauma. My obsessive compulsive disorder is one of it.

If you are a sufferer of personality disorders, you will know how terrible it can be. A little of it might be nothing but if it gets extreme, your daily lives will be impacted greatly.

The saddest part about it is they are all behavioural disorders, meaning they do not represent you, but you are making your life out of them. I've known for a long time that my OCD does not represent my thoughts. That's the frustrating part, I can't get what's bothering me so much that I have developed an obsession and compulsive behaviour for.

The answer for it can't be taken literally, for example a symptom for OCD is the need to have things in order. I always put my watch on the right side of the table, with my water bottle curled inside of it. If the door is not shut tight or opened fully, I will get out of my desk just to do it. The sight of things being out of place is putting me at unease. The answer for this, I have not figured still.

I was really glad, there was a moment in my life I've managed to cut all my OCD compulsive behaviours to a minimum. In fact I'm checking my locked door much lesser now. But I guess rushing to cure was a bad, bad idea. I was stuck with one last symptom that is driving me nuts and all the methods I have tried are invalid. My need for things to be in order came back again and I feel uncomfortable if things get out of place again.

I even bought a book for my OCD since I thought it might be helpful.

Everything written on the introduction website was a good read. The book is titled The Root Cause and I was really hoping it will go into details to explain why we act a certain way because of OCD. The website for the book is:

I tried searching for reviews online but there were barely. I was really determined to cure my OCD once and for all so I took every word and advice in the book seriously. But I was not impressed that every solution in the book consists of self-hypnosis. In fact I can bet half the book is about self-hypnosis with repeated methods, probably a modification here or there. Now there, I'm not sceptical about hypnosis and I know very well that it is a proven method which works. But there was lack of explanation in a lot of things, in fact I might be able to do a decent job with explaining the cause of our obsessions and compulsive behaviour.

So all the book does is give you a brief explanation and you're supposed to try and hypnotise yourself. Sorry I can't. It's too hard. I wasn't sure whether the images I was seeing were from my conscious or subconscious. I am not impressed with the book.


Now, to go on to my methods of cutting down my OCD symptoms.

Warning: I'm no expert and all the methods are self-thought. 

Here's the list that I had wrote down some time back:

1. Repetitive Checking
2. Needing things to be in place
3. Thoughts of writing and doubting that whatever I'm writing down contains sexual content
4. Thoughts of photos to contain sexual content
5. Numerous ways to kill/injure myself with daily items
6. Thoughts of harming others

There can be more but these are the more serious ones. Nothing impressive with the list and in fact most are very inglorious.

I shall start with number 3/4 first.
They were the first few to be reduced and it wasn't intentional. I joined a no fap challenge for a month and that managed to curb my sexual desires a lot. Sexual thoughts were reduced because of that too. In fact I managed to keep on with the challenge because I like the idea that I'm doing it because I want to, not because I'm forced to. It wasn't easy for someone who's addicted but I guess I wanted to challenge my willpower.

I have thoughts of attempting one month challenges afterwards but I didn't have the motivation to continue. No fap challenge is by far the best one month challenge I have been through. It is manageable and challenging at the same time.

Doubting the things I write are successfully decreased because I feel no shame in writing the wrong things in a wonderful community I have found online. I know they will not judge me because of what I have typed wrongly as a result of my OCD.

In fact, I'm feeling less shame in typing crude words that probably made no sense or doesn't fit into your writing. Hell you can just edit them later. Even if others read it by chance, then let it be, these are my own personal space and I'm free to write anything.

I just need more confidence so I can stop doubting what I am typing. I realise closing my eyes while typing is a helpful solution at times when I couldn't stop the thought. Another stupid method is to translate my text from English to Chinese and see if the meaning is still the same, but it's not exactly effective.

Number 1/2
Not surprising that I'm grouping them together because I see them as the same category. I attempted on them when number 3/4 were decreasing because I was feeling confident of myself. I was determined not to let them affect me and I tried to keep my checking to a minimum, no more than 1/2 tries. It is still successful as of now. :)

Whenever I feel uncomfortable because other people have placed things at their original spot, I try to calm myself down and focus on the thing I was doing previously. I know how powerful my focus can be and I tried to accept their out of place to be where they should be instead. If that makes sense to you.

Number 5/6
These are the worst thoughts ever. Life isn't easy when you're thinking of killing yourself every other day. I took a lot of time and mind battles to persuade myself in my head that I shouldn't harm myself. That I only have one life and if I die as a result of my stupidity or OCD, that's the end of it.

And fortunately, I fear death. Not because you'll get to lose everything when you die but the thought of extreme pain till you no longer can handle it and you give up your life. I dislike watching documentaries of people getting injured at any point of time and that thought won the thought of self harming myself. It's counter effective I must say.

Thoughts of harming others were reduced a little when I no longer want to harm myself. And I constantly tell myself, I shouldn't harm others especially if they have done nothing to me. They are just innocent passer-bys I get to see everyday that's all.


After everything is kept to a manageable level, an interesting symptom that has never happened to me just pop out from mid air. I suddenly have the URGE TO BLAST MUSIC.

The most interesting opposite factor was I never like to blast music because I have delicate ears. In fact I suffered more than normal people when constant loud music was played and I had just experienced it not long ago. I know how painful it is for my ears to hear loud sound.

I am wondering. Did that urge evolved because I was always careful with my sound level and I even keep it very soft? I wanted to do something out of the norm so I can scare myself with the sudden outburst of sound?

An online friend even told me that I should just let it be since I will not die because of it. I respect what she said because she suffered from personality disorders too. But they don't understand I never like blasting music, I can't even enjoy or focus on what I am doing if I blasted music. And my ears will hurt a lot afterwards. It was like I wanted to torture myself. It might probably be a branch off from my self-harming thoughts. Because if I keep blasting music for a long time, I might lose my valuable pair of good ears. I have thoughts of poking my eyes recently and that was utterly stupid.

I was wondering just now what might be the cause of the urge to blast music. There definitely must be an underlying reason for it even if it's a behavioural problem. I realised, could it be because I am not confident of myself that I will not do anything to harm myself? The thought of it leads from the thought that I always place my volume at such a soft level that I have to strain my ears to hear it, but I have a fear of increasing the volume.

If I have more confidence that I will stop increasing the volume when it's harmful to my ears, maybe that urge will stop. I hope I am right and I hope I can keep up to stopping the urge.

There's more for OCD but I'll stop now. Till next time!

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Phobia of Posting and Pottermore Part 2


I still can't get over the phobia of posting on my own blog. I shall boost my confidence a little by typing a lengthy post. Why oh why? Just because there are mysterious people reading it and judging you thus you're scared? You silly Carrot. As if people will spend so much time trying to think about a person they barely know, well actually they do. *Sigh*

But I like my blog. It's like part of me since it has been with me since 2008/2009. So should I be happy that part of me is well-liked?

Hmm okay, let's see. I shall start with a random fact of myself.

I type my blog posts in private browsing because I have two Google accounts. One is used for a customised iGoogle homepage background and Youtube account, while the other is for my blog. My Youtube account associated with my blog had been permanently banned because I uploaded self-made fan videos of Hot Shot. :(

Why Private Browsing?
Because it's too troublesome to log in and out of Google accounts constantly.


More Pottermore Gibberish!

I don't mean to offend Pottermore in anyway. I can't think of a better heading.

After my last pottermore post, I've spent one more week on it and I was tired of duelling and potions making. I think I understand why now that Ravenclaw is the only house whose top students are not in the overall leaderboard. I'm thinking most of us probably understand there are other more important things to do in life than pottermore, that's why we stopped. Besides, you aren't proving anything much by winning the house cup in pottermore.

Games are after all a repetitive process and you'll tend to get better at it if you keep playing it. And that's pretty much how much you gained from games, muscle memory.

Another curious fact from Ravenclaw is that we have the least number of students sorted into it. Is that a reflection of the number of smart, eccentric and individualistic people living in this world?

After I've gotten my house sorting results from pottermore, I was really excited about it. Reading the welcome letter made me feel I was not sorted into the wrong house. It seems everything has fallen into place nicely till the point I was sorted into my house.

I chose a username with Wolf and the colour of Bronze. Wolf symbolises individualistic and brown, a colour similar to bronze, is one of the colours of Ravenclaw. I've gotten myself a Brown Owl as a pet. My wand description tells me I'm individualistic and a loner. And lastly I'm sorted into Ravenclaw. Maybe I'm reading too much, but after researching on Pottermore's sorting house analysis, I felt the quiz was pretty well done and I'm expecting more Ravenclaw traits to be revealed in me when I take future quizzes.

A house analysis I got from Pottermore Fan Forum
Credits to GingerbreadWitch

From her analysis, I was pretty much a mixture of Ravenclaw, Slytherin and Hufflepuff. There was barely any Gryffindor traits in me. I knew that all along though. Although most of Harry Potter fans like Gryffindor because it was the main focus in the film, I know I didn't fit in there. Courageous was not a word fitting for me. If my life was in danger, I would run away.

Judging from her analysis, if I chose just one different answer, just one. I would have been in a different house now. Seems like something strike me when I was doing the quiz on that day. Hufflepuff is not for me, I can be nice but that is not my purpose in life. Slytherin is not for me, unless I'm a little insane and decided to go to the bad side. Not implying that Slytherins are bad, I know there are many nice Slytherin around, but craving for power is never what I am made for.

And then there's Ravenclaw. The traits that were inborn with me but I never wish to admit because I was consumed by my own inferiority. I'm not the smartest, neither am I the wittiest. In fact I think you should not flaunt your knowledge because that will make it lose its value. After all, when you're attempting to correct others with your knowledge, that just goes to show how wise you are.

I like questioning. To the extent it might drive my friends mad. My mother was always complaining that I'm over-thinking because of all the crap I read online. To be honest, I filter out certain stuffs and some of the craps were from my own point of view. They evolved after I've read them. But honestly, when I'm happy, I'll stop questioning and just immerse in my own happiness. Questioning is only when I have nothing better to do in life, and I mean it.

My friend, on the other hand, after I analysed his results, was a straight Hufflepuff guy. No questioning that he treasures being kind and good more than anything else. 


As for my life now, I really like the game tester job that I had went for an interview recently. Never have I disliked weekends so much before because I wouldn't get any reply during weekends. I can't think of a better job for me now.

Back to Pottermore...

I've taken a test from other site regarding our alignments. Each alignment takes up two houses in Hogwarts. 

And I'm proud to announce I'm a mixture between Ravenclaw and Slytherin.

I like the answer. The results I get from Hogwarts house sorting is nothing like my Jung personality type. My Jung personality type is who I am. Whereas my house sorting is who I should strive to be to reach my maximum potential. I've known more about myself again from the alignment test. Yay! ^o^

The ten commandments for my alignment is interesting. Just a reference on how nonchalant I can be. 

The Ten Chaotic Neutral Commandments

A list of Ten Commandments for a chaotic neutral religion may look like this:

1. You shall lie to promote your freedom.

2. You shall not kill the innocent.

3. You shall not murder.

4. You shall help the needy if such action promotes your freedom.

5. You shall honor no authority above yourself.

6. You shall break the law whenever convenient.

7. You shall not betray others unless your life is in jeopardy.

8. You shall not aid enemies of freedom or those who promote law.

9. You shall pursue pleasure.

10. You shall promote unlimited freedom for yourself.

That's all. A pat on my shoulder for honouring my word by typing such a long post. Till next time!

Jolin's Family

Jolin's Family

上一次看到依林的全家福是好久以前的事。那時公主還在Sony BMG,姐姐也未嫁。小饅頭可能還來不及投胎轉世!之前好像有看到公主和蔡爸、媽和姐在微博的照,但沒有這張齊全。拍得挺美的說。謝謝姐夫分享的照!也不經意讓我確認了公主的臉書。:o


Thursday, May 3, 2012

RuneScape Artisan Crafting Task

I feel I need to say this. I have been crafting and firing that stupid clay ring so many times I was so sure there is a bug. The task description says something like YOU NEED TO CRAFT A CLAY RING.

So I sent Jagex a bug report telling them I'm unable to complete the task and I tried lots of different procedures to make it. I read the task hint thoroughly and there was no mentioning whatsoever about what went wrong with the way I made my ring.

I just realised recently after a Google search where the real problem lies. However, there are still a lack of sites in providing details about this so I thought I should help by making a blog post.

To Complete Artisan Crafting Task
You need to fire your ring at Draynor Village's pottery oven.

Location of Draynor Village pottery oven in the map

Location of Draynor Village pottery oven on your screen

That is all. Have a nice day.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Phobia of Posting

I don't know why recently I pretty much don't feel like posting at my blog. I usually enjoy writing in any form, which is why I spend most of my online time at forums. Perhaps it's the fear of people reading that's weighting on me. I know any content that appears online is not private any more. But I guess I'm just pressurised by the view counts. Although I'm pretty sure the views counts are mostly lead by photos views.

And then there are times when I want to provide a quality post to my blog. Post that aids in critical thinking, as my friend pointed out, I like questioning things. But I realise there are flaws in my arguments or the whole debate essay is too pointless because it's been repeated many, many times. Not to forget that it might get me agitated for the wrong reasons.

Lastly, will be the "wonderful" blogger layout which got "upgraded" without our consent. The same scenario that happened to facebook, and users got used to the new template after a while even after their complains, including me. I know there is a need for freshness, for both the developers and the users, but the new posting method in blogger is screwing up my html more than usual. Now I have to be extra careful with how I am posting.


My Life in Two Words: 
Jobless Kid